March 08, 2009

Much to decide...


I'm up way too late again, but at least I got some of my school assignments done. I'm doing a lot of thinking. I'm not sure what I will do after community, in regards to art anyway. I have thought and considered art schools, but the prospect of loans that would impact my quality of life while also weighing my physical condition being poor is not wise. I don't even believe that type of schooling to be necessary. Mostly, I want to satisfy my curiosity and go to a place that not only develops my skills, but develops my person. I am entirely aware that my growth would completely depend on what I choose to do during my school years... just like I work on my portfolio and art at home. I can accomplish these things on my own or at a public university.

Frank has decided pretty much what he wants to do with his life and I think I finally have. Since Drawing I, I fell back in love with my craft. Never really considered it throughout school because of my various talents, and computers seemed more successful and thrilling at the time. But it doesn't satisfy my curiosity enough. And it brings me closer to things I hate... like rigidity. Art allows me to express myself, or at least show my hate of something through the process in my sketchbook when I am planning stuff. I still have to deal with people either way.

I discussed with Frank these things at length, and he knows I stand by mostly debt free living when it comes to this. I may just end up stopping for a few years after HCC, as much as I will hate to leave and miss the experience. I love school, and it's making me a better person. But I could use a few years to work on my portfolio and pay off current debt. It will also force me to get active outside the home, not just work... work alone is lame. But I thought of maybe working at a gallery or just getting involved in something else besides the same old bullshit.

Anyway, I am growing as a person everyday, so it's hard to say where I go, the sky is the limit. I talked to my mother yesterday and for the first time, I feel a little more fearful about if I ever developed Dystonia. I have a lot of other talents and I could find some other purpose in life, I'm sure. Being a mother one of them. But losing art would be a very large void. Not to mention, I wouldn't be able to type these blogs at 110 words per minute average like I am accustomed to. My internet rambling powers would be significantly inhibited.

Would be better to take time off after HCC which is probably what is going to happen. I don't feel my portfolio is good enough. Not to get in. I know I could get in. But it is not MY standard of good. In fact, a lot of things aren't my standard, which is why I am so focused on disciplining myself. But yeah, taking a year or two off won't significantly impact me, in fact, I will have more time to work on my art. And more importantly, work and then maybe it can be Frank's turn to pursue his education. Not saying I could support him, but I could definitely ease things a bit... maybe find a gallery job. I love working on my art more than I love going through a ladder of college bullshit. And Oh God, no more fucking green peace classes. I brought a charcoal of nature to that class, but I promise you, it was out of deep hatred because that picture is so not what that psycho mostly talked about. College Politics can kill trees too.

I'm grateful, because both me and Frank had our minutes raised to unlimited. (For a cheap price too). They also offered him additional hours for the pickings at some other location in Severn. We are doing pretty good all things considering. We replaced our microwave. This one is actually large and doesn't take double the time that our "Fisher Price microwave that broke" did. (As Frank humorously put it)

I'm happy that my internet finally got fixed, it has made things much easier, I'm able to check all my courses a lot quicker. Actually, this weekend I am not feeling too well, so I am not getting as much done much earlier like I wanted. I really wanna know what my math test grade was. And I have to remind myself to get another pad of Newsprint tomorrow... I'm out. I have gesture drawings due Monday (which is why I need Newsprint, for class and to redo my homework). A painting is due Wednesday which I'm a little nervous about because my value drawing is not where I want it to be and I really would've preferred to have redone it. But looks like I will just have to go forward with the color painting and hope for the best. First painting for the win.

Hiroshi sent me a text around 3-4AM asking me about my mailing address, so I replied and gave it to him. Apparently he's sending me something in the mail. I hope everything is OK with him. He said he is less willing to work on less money, so he follows less orders LOL. That sounds like good news, though I probably should be worried about his job status. I'm apparently not.

Frank bought some "Perfect Pushup" thing that he's been using and I'm glad to say he's actually been exercising. And I'm going to call him out in his own blog, EXERCISE REGULARLY DAMN IT. :/ So far it's been regular, but I expect more from my dark teddy bear. Much much more.

Which reminds me, he needs a new pair of running shoes... damn.

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