Reflektion

OHHHH! I USED A K!!!! CAN I BE ONE OF THE COOL KIDS NOW!?!?

But seriously. Deb's Mom is getting married. We are likely going to Houston for a little while around the end of summer time. I hope to save up some cash so we can stay for more than a couple days of me being off. 5 days would be optimal, methinks. 4 is acceptable too though.

Deb went to an art gallery thing with Amanda and her guy last night. I actually wish I could've gone. Based on some of the pics from her last entry and the link, I would've enjoyed it. That and I was intrigued by the concept of a church holding what was probably not a "Christ-centric" event.

Speaking of "Christ-centric", Deb must've offended the VideoGame Gods. We were playing Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance II and I jokingly said that some RPG's allow you to "buy levels" in Church's by putting cash in the offering plate and that she should. Well strangely enough, Deb was playing a Cleric. One of the options was to "Offer 2,000 Gold". After deciding to do it (since Gold is shared) we were commended for our offering which was used to build a home for orphans! Those orphans must've been happy because we each gained a level. We left and came back. "Offer 4,000 Gold". The town that was ransacked now got Church supported watch-towers! Everyone feels safer! 4,000 XP and another level. "Offer 8,000 Gold". Why the hell not? Ballistas on the battlements of the town, supported by the Church! 8,000 XP and another level!!! Well by now we're 3 levels stronger, but penniless.

After laughing at our good fortune and "buying our levels", we went to go complete the next quest. Loading screen... annnnnnnd nothing. Cleaned the disc. Nothing. Tried another PS2. Nothing. CURSES! THIS IS WHAT WE GET FOR BUYING OUR LEVELS!!!!

All is now well though. A trip to the local shop removed this curse by furnishing us with a new, but obviously used, shiny round talisman to replace our apparently damaged one. Hopefully the PS2 will accept this offering and let us continue our journey together in Baldurs Gate.

On another note of more importance though, there was discussion that I've slacked on some personal matters. My "humble pie" has never tasted so forceful. Not for a while at least. Humility is something I need to remember more of. That and the frustration that breeds within myself from tension that I should realize can't be immediately helped. Of course, there's more to it than that.

I haven't "forgotten" my faith. More that I have turned something of a blind eye to it and taken it for granted. Those things have a way of biting you in the ass if you ignore them. I never really completely meditated. I should do it in conjunction with working out though. I've read and heard amazing things about it. Again, though, I become frustrated with myself when I can't seem to focus on anything in particular. So far, the closest I have usually come is when I'm at the rifle range, focusing on the front sights of my rifle.

The breathing, the focus, the inclusion of your whole body holding the rifle, sitting still, waiting for just the right moment in the wind and carefully choosing the time to pull the trigger. Then the bang and the recoil ends that miniature session of meditation. Of course, it's very easy to resume, depending on bolt action or semi-auto, but it's still an interruption. I still feel like there's something to it though.

When I sit and try to meditate, I think of other things I could be doing. Little indulgences and all that. It's distracting. The shower does sometimes work, but after a while, the water going in your ears and at times, if I'm sitting in the tub while the water falls on me, up my nose doesn't really allow for much in the way of concentration. The plus is that the noise of the water falling does drown out most outside noise. It becomes a kind of white noise that is very easy to get lost in. I can't hear the TV usually. I can't hear music. I can't hear birds, cars, kids outside screaming.

I think that's why I want to live somewhat near the water for most of my life. I said this to Brad last night. Even though I've never sailed and I don't really like seafood, I feel like the oceans and other very large bodies of water have a very deepseated meaning to me. The sound and smell of it just feels right. Rivers don't really work, for some reason. The whole idea of the vastness of the ocean though and watching the occasional ship go by miles away from land just touches me. It's even deeper than that though. The words escape me.

I couldn't live out in a place like Oklahoma or Indiana. The only way I could do that is if I had a plane and a patch of land to make a small grass strip. That and I'd set up some targets out there. That's about the only way I could do it. Even then, I don't think I could do it forever though.

As for something a little more fun, Brad told me about 4chan.org. Go at your own risk. It's a board where people can post without usernames. It's similar to a BBS I suppose, but moves very fast. There are many categories to choose from and there's always something new being said, no matter how dimwitted or intelligent it may be.